From Phil Wood Show (BBC GMR):
Wood: What “K” could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It’s got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?

From Breakfast Show (Radio Hallam, Sheffield):
Presenter: Of which European country is Lisbon the capital?
Contestant: Australia.
Presenter: Sorry, that's the wrong answer; we'll go to the next caller.
2nd contestant: I was going to say Australia as well. Is it Gibraltar?
 

From Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (ITV):
Chris Tarrant: Which of these is the title of a Shakespeare play?
a. As You Like It
b. As You Love It
c. As You Wish It
d. As You Want It
Contestant: Er... I don't know, Chris. Can I phone a friend?

Chris Tarrant (asking the audience): "Jambon" is the French for which food?
Audience: 11 percent said jam.

From ITV's This Morning with Richard and Judy:
Q: Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid?
A: Denmark.

Q: In what year did the Second World War start?
A: 1918.
Q: No, the Second. Try again.
A: Err... 1937.

Q: How many wheels are there in a unicycle?
A: Three.

Q: What is origami?
A: A herb.

Q: How many metres are there in a kilometre?
A: Three.

Q: Which Spanish island is famous for hosting lots of trendy parties?
A: Spain.

Q: How do you call the big pole in the middle of a ship?
A: Pass.

Q: What kind of creature is a halibut?
A: A bird.
Q: No, wrong. Try again.
A: A ferret.

Q: What’s the Prince of Wales’s Christian name?
A: Err...
Q: Here’s a clue: he was married to Diana.
A: Err...
Q: It begins with a ‘C’.
A: No idea.

Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

Q: What's the Tory leader's Christian name?
A: Errr...
Q: You know, Mr. Hague.
A: Pass.

John Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er...
John Leslie: He makes bread...
Contestant: Er...
John Leslie: He makes cakes...
Contestant: Kipling Street?

Colleen Nolan: To which member of the royal family is the Duke of Edinburgh married?
Contestant: Pass.

John Leslie: At what time is Midday Money broadcast?
Contestant: 12.15.

John Leslie: The Berlin Wall was demolished in which country?
Contestant: Er...
John Leslie: East and West came together...
Contestant: Er...
John Leslie: It begins with a "G".
Contestant: Er...
John Leslie: No, I can't give you that one.

Judy: Where's the Acropolis?
Contestant: Pass.

Richard: Who sang New York, New York and Chicago?
Contestant: Er...
Richard: His nickname was "Old Blue Eyes".
Contestant: I don't know.

Richard: In which US state can you find Los Angeles, San Francisco and lots of big bears?
Contestant: Florida
Richard: No, it's on the other side.
Judy [sings]: "I wish they could be da da da da girls."
Contestant: New York.

Richard: What planet is named after the goddess of love?
Contestant: Neptune.

Richard: Who wrote Othello?
Contestant: No idea.
Richard: He also wrote Hamlet.
Contestant: Pass.

Judy Finnegan: How many wheels does a unicycle have?
Contestant: Two.

Judy: How many minutes are there in three quarters of an hour?
Contestant: 60.

Richard: On what day does new year's day fall?
Contestant: The 31st.

Fern Britton: Which actress starred in Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally?
Contestant: Tom Hanks.

Judy: Which desert war did Britain take part in 10 years ago today?
Contestant: The Falklands.

Richard: When was the battle of Hastings?
Answer: 1866.

Judy: What were the gifts the Three Wise Men brought to the Baby Jesus?
Contestant: Gold, platinum and silver.

Judy: Which country was ruled by Tsars -- France or Russia?
Contestant: France.

Richard: Who was Bill Clinton's vice president?
Contestant: I don't know.
Richard: Come on, he also stood for president himself. You know, Al...
Contestant: Al Jolson.

Richard: Charles and Edward were children of who?
Contestant: Diana.

Richard: Who did Britain go to war with over the Falklands?
Contestant: Er...
Richard: It's a South American country.
Contestant: Iran?

Judy: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: Pass

Judy: The American TV show The Sopranos is about opera -- true or false?
Contestant: Er -- true.
Judy: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show, so I'll give you that.

Fern Britton: If you're claustrophobic, what are you traditionally afraid of?
Contestant: Open spaces.

Richard (hilarious French accent): Ze Moulin Rouge! In what ceety can you find zis famoos night club, hee-haw hee-haw?
Contestant: Italy.

John Leslie: What is the capital of France?
Contestant: Belgium.

John Leslie: If you spoke Dutch, what country would you be from?
Contestant: Denmark.

Presenter: In which direction do the hands of a clock travel?
Contestant: Anti-clockwise.

Presenter: If I travel at 60 miles an hour, how far do I travel in ten minutes?
Contestant: Two hundred thousand miles.

From BBC2’s The Weakest Link:
AR: Which Cluedo character has a military rank?
A: Colonel Sanders

AR: Which product had an advertising ban imposed on it in 1999?
A: Marmalade.

AR: What's the nationality of the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre?
A: Italian

AR: Space exploration. What does the acronym NASA stand for?
Contestant: National Socialist Space Satellite.

AR: In what century was the composer J.S. Bach born?
Contestant: The twentieth century.

AR: Who initiated the Chinese cultural revolution?
Contestant: Ming.

AR: Which musician famous for playing the piano honky-tonk style died in the year 2000?
Contestant: Elton John.

AR: In the TV series of the same name, who played the pathologist Quincy?
Contestant: Quincy

AR: Before president Clinton, how many Presidents of America were impeached?
Contestant: None

AR: In geography, does the state of Virginia lie on the East or West side of America?
Contestant: West.

AR: How many hours are there in three days?
Contestant (thought Robinson said how many r’s): One.

AR: In history, at the battle of Waterloo, which general's horse was called Copenhagen?
Contestant: Lord Nelson.

AR: What was the sequel to the movie I Know What You Did Last Summer?
Contestant: I Know What You Did Last Winter.

AR: In which century was Hadrian's Wall built?
Contestant: The 18th century.

AR: Complete the title of this Oliver Goldsmith novel: The Vicar of...
Contestant: Dibley.

AR: Who originally released the song "It's a wonderful world"?
Answer: Ray Charles.

AR: Which movie ended with the famous words: "It was beauty that killed the beast."?
Answer: Pass.

AR: In modern literature, who wrote the novel American Psycho?
Answer: Pass.

AR: Complete the title of this novel by Henry James: "The Turn of the ..."?
Answer: Century.

AR: In which city do we find the Kremlin building?
Answer: Russia

AR: Which organ of the human body is used for smelling and breathing?
Answer: The lungs.

AR: In music, what was the first name of the German composer Bach, who was born in 1685?
Answer: Edward.

AR: In literature, poet Philip Larkin was born in what century?
A: The 17th.

AR: Which bird gives its name to a straight-legged marching step?
A: The cuckoo.

AR: What is the correct name for the Australian wild dog?
A: The dingbat.

AR: What does a bat use to facilitate flying in the dark?
A: Its wings.

AR: In the animal kingdom, what "C" is a large North American reindeer?
A: A moose.

AR: In politics, what "W" was a pact signed by the Soviet Union in 1955 as a response to West Germany joining NATO?
A: The Williamsburg Treaty.

AR: The name of which Italian, born in 1469, is synonymous with immoral cunning?
Contestant: Mussolini.

AR: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

AR: Who wrote Cat on a Hot Tin Roof?
Contestant: Dr Seuss.

AR: What part did the Tin Man ask Dorothy would get him?
Answer: A brain.

AR: In fashion, what is the French for "ready to wear"?
Contestant: Pret à Manger

AR: Which British composer took the music for "Land of Hope and Glory" from his Pomp and Circumstance marches?
Contestant: Tchaikovsky.

AR: Which actress named Patricia is the wife of Nicholas Cage?
Contestant: Patricia Routledge.

AR: What is the name of the 1994 Oscar winning film which starred Ben Kingsley as Yitzak Stern?
Contestant: Gandhi.

AR: Complete the title of the well-known play, The Iceman...
Contestant: Melts.
 

AR: In what year of the 90s did badminton and basketball become Olympic medal sports?
Contestant: 1984

AR: Gotham is not only a place in the Batman series, but also a city in which European country?
Contestant: Italy.

AR: What was the title of the play ‘La Cage aux Folles’ when it was remade into a movie starring Robin Williams?
Contestant: Mrs. Doubtfire.

AR: In Roman mythology, which animal brought up Romulus and Remus?
Contestant: A lion.

AR: Who wrote the book ‘Death on the Nile’ with Hercule Poirot as main character?
Contestant: Don’t know.

AR: How many units are there in a dozen?
Contestant: 13.

AR: In what European country was actor Antonio Banderas born?
Contestant: Mexico.

AR: What French word did Karl Marx use to describe those who oppressed the working class?
Contestant: Trotskyists.

AR: What distinguished prize did Albert Einstein win in 1921 for his work in physics?
Contestant: The Booker Prize

AR: For which book did Salman Rushdie win the Booker prize?
Contestant: The Wind in the Willows.

AR: What sign of the zodiac is represented by a fish?
Contestant: The Zodiac.

AR: In an orchestra, the leader normally plays which instrument?
Contestant: The triangle.

AR: The four Gospels of the New Testament are attributed to: Matthew, Mark, John and who?
Contestant: Joe.

AR: In 1987, the Bangles had a number one UK hit with the song "Walk like a ..."?
Contestant: Stranger.

AR: What "C" is a wine drunk on special occasions?
Contestant: Chardonnay.

AR: What was the nationality of the composer Sir Edward Elgar?
Contestant: Norwegian.

AR: In fashion, what does the term ‘prêt à porter’ means?
Contestant: Carrying clothes.

AR: What is the title of the full-length feature film directed by Wallace and Gromit creator Nick Park?
Contestant: Groundhog Day.

AR: The Benelux consists of Belgium, Luxemburg and which other country?
Contestant: Switzerland.

AR: The Anne Frank museum can be found in which city?
Contestant: Berlin.

AR: In science, what is botany the study of?
Caroline O'Shea (of Big Brother fame): Bottoms.

AR: In chemistry, for what does the symbol 'Fe' stand?
Contestant: Silver.

AR: Of which country is Wellington the capital?
Contestant: Australia.

AR: So, Jemma, for £9,350, which is the largest and most heavily populated island in the Mediterranean sea?
Contestant: Spain.

AR: Who wrote the political treatise Das Kapital?
Contestant: John Major.

AR: Complete the title of this Destiny's Child song... "Bills bills ..."?
Contestant: Don't know.

AR: Which oriental country shares its name with a type of porcelain?
Contestant: Portugal.

AR: Which Indian leader, whose last name began with G, took the name Mahatma?
Contestant: Geronimo.

AR: What K is the currency of Sweden?
Contestant: Kennel.

AR: Which calendar month was named after the first Roman Emperor, Augustus Caesar?
Contestant: June.

AR: What is the highest prime number under ten?
Oxford Research Fellow: Eleven.

AR: In maths, what is one half as a decimal?
Contestant: A quarter.

AR: In which country is the river Po?
Contestant: Poland.

AR: What “T” are people who live in a house paying rent to a landlord?
Contestant: Terrorists.

AR: In sport, the name of which famous racehorse was the word “murder” spelt backwards?
Drag queen: Shergar.

AR: In which film did Dudley Moore star as the title character?
Contestant: 10.

AR: Ken Follett is a famous what, author or photographer?
Contestant: Authotographer.

AR: Introduced in Britain in 1978, the State Earnings Related Pension Scheme is better known by what acronym?
Contestant: P.A.Y.E.

AR: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.

AR: In Asian geography, Vietnam has borders with Laos, Cambodia and which other country?
Contestant: America.

AR: What was the last state to join the USA?
Contestant: Canada.

AR: What D is a large city in the Republic of Ireland?
Contestant: Belfast.

AR: What kind of dozen is 13?
Page 3 Girl: Half a dozen.

AR: In which continent is the river Danube?
Page 3 Girl: France.

AR: Which S is the only country to have a land border with Portugal?
Page 3 Girl: Pass.

AR: Which letter comes between P and R?
Page 3 Girl: O.

AR: Who plays the role of agent Dana Scully in the tv series The X-Files?
Very self-indulgent teen after a long pause: Sarah Michelle Gellar.

AR: What is a singlet, a bachelor or a vest?
Eligible bachelor: A bachelor.

AR: What man-made structure built during the 3rd century BC is often said to be visible from space?
Fashion person: The Millennium Dome.

AR: What is a divertimento -- an Italian road sign or a piece of music?
Fashion person: An Italian road sign.

AR: In management, which P is the term used for getting a higher-ranked job and often a pay rise?
Contestant: Don't know.

AR: What was the title of the movie directed by James Cameron that starred Leonardo DiCaprio?
Contestant: On The Beach.

AR: How many l's are there in "intelligent"?
Contestant: One.

AR: Which city lies further north, Oslo or Moscow?
Contestant: Moscow.

AR: How many e's are there in 'argument'?
Contestant: Three.

AR: Samuel Coleridge was friends with which well-known poet?
Contestant: Byron.

AR: What religion was founded by the prophet Mohammed in AD 610?
Contestant: Rastafarianism.

AR: Sancho Panza was the companion of which famous fictional character?
Contestant: Rupert Bear.

AR: 'Trod' is the past tense of which verb?
Contestant: Don't know.

AR: According to the common saying, revenge is a dish best served ... cold or on toast?
Contestant: On toast.

AR: What "A" is a small dead-end tube in the digestive system with no known function?
Contestant: Arse.

AR: Which German city is also the name of a type of perfume?
Contestant: Berlin.

AR: In nature, cumulus and cirrus are types of what?
Contestant: Lion.

AR: Pakistan was part of which other state until it achieved independence in 1947?
Contestant: Bulgaria.

From phone-in (Lincs FM):
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain.
 

From BBC2’s University Challenge:
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers"?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

Jeremy Paxman: What South American politician overthrew Allende in a coup?
Contestant 1: Ayatollah Khomeini.
Contestant 2: Chile.

From The Biggest Game in Town (ITV):
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring the First World War to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.

From Steve Wright in the Afternoon (BBC Radio 2):
SW: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

SW: What do you call the indigenous people of Australia?
Contestant: Australians.

SW: In England it's called "petrol". What is it called in the United States?
Answer: Diesel.

SW: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Expresso.

SW: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

SW: In 1863, which American President gave the Gettysburg Address?
Contestant: I don't know, it was before I was born.

SW: Who played agent 007 in the 1989 film Licence To Kill?
Contestant: Er... James Bond?

SW: What kind of creature is a kiwi?
Contestant: A fruit.

SW: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.

From Steve Penk Breakfast Show (Virgin Radio):
Steve Penk: What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state?
Contestant: America? Portugal? Canada? Mexico? Italy? Spain?

From Chris Searle Show (BBC Radio Bristol):
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

From The Owen Money Show (BBC Radio Wales):
Owen Money: In 30 seconds, name as many well-known politicians as you can.
Caller: Er, Tony Brown. And Nigel Benn. (Silence.)

From Kelly Today (ITV):
Lorraine Kelly: How many days in a leap year?
Contestant: 253.

From Dog Eat Dog (BBC1):
Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
Contestant: Enid Blyton

Ulrika Jonsson: Shakespeare: in A Midsummer Night's Dream which character assumed the head of an ass?
Contestant: Macbeth.

Ulrika Jonsson: Which US President was shot in 1981?
Contestant: J. F. Kennedy.

From National Lottery Jet Set (BBC1):
Eamonn Holmes: What was invented in 1926 by John Logie Baird?
Contestant: Electricity.

Eamonn Holmes: Who wrote The Catcher in the Rye?
Contestant: Chaucer.

Eamonn Holmes: Which is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific.

Eamonn Holmes: Which is the largest country in South America?
Contestant: Nairobi.

Eamonn Holmes: What’s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

From Dave Lee Travis Show (Breeze FM):
DLT: In which European country are there people called Walloons?
Contestant: Wales.

From Neil Pringle Show (BBC Southern Counties Radio):
Pringle: How many strings does a guitar have?
Contestant: Er... four.
 Pringle: It's the number of wives that Henry VIII had... Contestant: Oh -- five!

From Lunchtime show (BRMB):
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That’s close enough.

From Breakfast Show (Wave 105 FM):
Steve Powers: What does a planet orbit around?
Contestant 1: The galaxy?
Contestant 2: The moon?

From Live and Kicking (BBC2):
Question: What is the highest mountain in Britain?
Answer: Mount Everest.

From See Hear Saturday (BBC2):
Presenter: What country does the spiritual leader the Dalai Lama come from?
Contestant: Scotland.

Lara Crooks: What is the most abundant gas in the atmosphere?
Contestant: Air.

From Janice Forsyth Show (BBC Radio Scotland):
Janice Forsyth: What is the currency in India?
Contestant: Ramadan.

From RI:SE (Channel 4):
Quizmaster: Where is the Sea Of Tranquility?
Contestant: Ibiza.

Presenter: Which mountain range separates France and Spain?
'Brainy Mechanic': The Himalayas.

From Beacon Radio (Wolverhampton):
DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

From Channel 4's 15 to 1:
William G Stewart: From the NATO phonetic alphabet, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, what comes next?
Contestant: Delta.

William G Stewart: In the novel and film, what is Howard's End?
Contestant: A boatyard.

William G Stewart: Which cathedral town on the river Severn shares its name with the sauce used in a Bloody Mary?
Contestant: Tomato.

William G Stewart:: New Zealand has two national anthems. One of them is God save The Queen. What's the other one?
Contestant: Australia Fair.

William G Stewart: Now think carefully before you answer this. Where did Alexander the Great come from?
Contestant: Belgium.

William G Stewart:: Which mobile phone company has the slogan "The future’s bright, the future’s orange?"
A: Virgin.

From Afternoon Show (BBC Radio Bristol):
Steve Yabsley: What’s the highest mountain in the UK?
Contestant: Mount Etna.

From Quiz Night (Radio Lancashire):
Question: Who discovered gravity when an apple fell from a tree and landed on his head?
Answer: William Tell.

From Playing for Time (BBC1):
Question: What letter is used twice in the word fillet?
Contestant: Fish

From Judgemental (BBC1):
Sophie Raworth: The category, birds. When a person has no hair, they are said to be as bald as a... what?
Contestant: Chicken.

Back to ITV and Family Fortunes.
Les Dennis: Name a bird that can also be a man's name.
Contestant: Chicken.

Les Dennis: Name a TV show with the word "family" in the title.
Contestant: The Generation Game.

Les Dennis: Name something that could be useful to a blind man.
Answer: A sword.

Les Dennis: Name someone associated with Robinson Crusoe...
Contestant: Peter Pan.

Les Dennis: Name a Parisian landmark.
Contestant (playing for Big Money): Hawaii.

Dennis: Name a TV soap.
Contestant: Dove.

Andy Collins: Name something Old Macdonald had on his farm.
Contestant: Giraffe.

Andy Collins: Name a famous historical heroine.
Contestant: Winston Churchill.

British Edducashun.

The following are reputedly quotes from British GCSE exam answers by 16 year olds. Various answers have been collated together by subject (just in case you think the answers in each topic were from just one candidate), and they were compiled by the examiners themselves.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies. The Egyptians wrote in hydraulics. Egyptians lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by camelot. The climate of the Sahara is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of Adam and Eve's children, Cain, said "Am I my brother's son?"

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread (which is bread made without any ingredients). Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

4. King Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people. Without the Greeks, we would not have had history. The Greeks also had many myths.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher, who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from a large dose of wedlock. After his death, Socrates' career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, the Greeks ran races, jumped, and hurled the biscuits. They also threw the java.

9. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. Caesar was murdered by the Ides of March because they thought he was going to be made king. Caesar's dying words were "Tee hee, Brutus".

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak. She was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

13. The writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses, and also wrote literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

15. Queen Elizabeth 1st was known as the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a great success. When she exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah!"

16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. Shakespeare wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. Miguel Cervantes wrote at the same time as Shakespeare. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton, who wrote Paradise Lost. After his wife died, Milton wrote Paradise Regained.

19. During the Renaissance, America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing in the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Fe.

20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean. This was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally, the colonists won the war and no longer had to pay taxis. Delegates from the original states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards. He later declared "A horse divided against itself cannot stand". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

22. The Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution, the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14th, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believed the assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. The incident ruined Booth's career.

24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

25. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions, and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he kept in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was a very large man.

27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. This was why he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.

28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but Josephine was a baroness so she could not have children.

29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire was in the East and the sun sets in the West.

30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on the thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Queen Victoria's death was the final event which ended her reign.

31. The 19th Century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. In agriculture, Cyrus McCormack invented the McCormack Raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

32. Louis Pasteur discovered the cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.

33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.